Why do not more families let us help them – help themselves?
It’s mostly baby boomers and on up in age, children of seniors who are now responsible to look after their mom’s and dad’s who have lived a much longer life span than the previous generation. Many of these daughters and sons are very active. They are decision makers and very much in charge of their own lives. They do their research on the internet before they go out to buy a new car, buy some golf clubs or a new TV. They are in the know. They compare pricing and warranty and then make an educated choice to fit their life style and pocket book. That’s the American way and should be applauded – when purchasing a product.
Has the time arrived where mom or dad now need your help and input to keep them safe and well cared for? Often times we realize that past family dynamics play a big role to make this highly emotional decision.
You go on the internet and do your research – and it’s a great place to start. You can learn all about the different kinds of care communities, home-health and in-home care. You will find sites provided by local senior care professionals as well as sites covering many different states throughout our country. All of them can be quite helpful – as a start.
Now, which one would be ideal for mom and dad and which one can they afford? Those are normal general questions. The approach often taken is very similar to making vacation reservations. Do we look into a resort, a hotel or a bed and breakfast in a specific area and how much can we afford? However, remember, we are not sending mom or dad on a vacation. We are entrusting their life to someone else’s care. It is about their quality of life, not our vacation.
You have no idea how often I have heard the following statement after people have looked at several large or small care communities: “What a place! I wouldn’t mind staying there for a couple of weeks myself!”
Let’s get real – placement for seniors is not a vacation spot – however much the retirement industry would like to portrait it this way. Instead – it’s hopefully each senior’s continuance of a quality life experience, whatever that means to each and every individual senior.
Now let me get of my soap box and get down and dirty.
First put yourself into your senior’s place. What would you like to see happen when your time comes? That’s one way to get a good perspective and it’s also a teaching tool for you how you want to address this issue down the road with your children. They might make that decision for you! No matter how old your kids are, your decisions and how you deal with their grandma’s and grandpa’s care needs will give them the idea how you want to treated when your time comes – and it will.
All criteria regarding a senior’s care, needs to be considered carefully and then acted upon.
Many questions can only be answered by the individual senior, if that senior is totally alert. If that is not the case – then the family member emotionally closest to the senior – or a close friend of the senior will be able to answer question that are vital not only for daily care needs but also for the senior’s emotional needs.
A well thought-out and well-executed decision will bring continued live enrichment to the senior and peace of mind to the senior’s family and friends. Getting help from a local professional senior consultant is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of your maturity and wisdom in recognizing the value of experienced professionals.
A couple pointers to keep in mind:
- Call or email your local Senior Advocate to find out what’s availably today for your parent’s care, what’s appropriate for his/her care needs and how much it will cost?
- Deal only with a local senior care consultant agency who is willing to meet with you in person, knows your area well, understands local issues, screens and monitors all adult care communities, i.e. Assisted Living, Residential Care, including Alzheimer’s and Adult Family Care Homes as well as In-home care companies and who does not have ownership in a care facility or in-home care company. That will guarantee you carefully researched, affordable – appropriate options for your individual senior’s care and emotional needs. You will not have lost a dime – this service is FREE to the seniors and the family. Yes, they are paid by the facility you choose, but they never forget they represent you and the senior and not the facility – much like a Realtor who represents you as a buyer. They will not simply give you a list of every facility out there (even though almost all will pay a placement fee). A professional agency will only give you those that they are comfortable putting their name behind and are truly appropriate for the care of your mom or dad. You make the ultimate decision and they are only able to continue to operate and provide quality service (in other words get paid) if they have given you settings that meet your needs and criteria. Personally, I must be comfortable in entrusting a family member or personal friend to that facility or care setting before I will even think of giving it to someone else. Putting my name behind a recommendation is never done lightly, but only after carefully looking at the long-term history and care-giving personalities of a care-provider or facility. Entrusting the seniors quality of life to someone else is a serious matter to me.
Remember a bad placement costs the family as much, and often more, than an appropriate placement. And also please note: Every move is traumatic for a senior. We’ve got to do it right the first time around. I will address this issue in my next blog… with some real life examples.
Care Service Options