That smile on your face can light up a senior’s life, especially someone with Alzheimer’s.

She had been sitting in a sunny spot. I asked her if I could wheel her on a concrete path through the garden area – she agreed. When ever we hit the shady areas she rubbed the sleeves of her sweater and said: “brrrr – cold”, the minute she was in full sun she reached out her hands – palms up and with a big smile said: “hmmm – nice and warm”. It’s back to basic recognition. It’s reminiscent of layers that can be peeled back – and sometimes it is amazing how her real person emerges gloriously out of those layers of confusion and un-recognition.

What amazes me the most when I walk into a Memory Care unit is how social each individual lady still is. Each person wants to be recognized as a living, breathing human being who wants to interact and touch and be touched. I see more genuine smiles radiating warmth toward a friendly visitor within a group of seniors sitting in a circle to listen to music, than the rest of the world is willing to give. The masks of daily living have come down – and you get what you see.

Why do not more families let us help them – help themselves?

It’s mostly baby boomers and on up in age, children of seniors who are now responsible to look after their mom’s and dad’s who have lived a much longer life span than the previous generation. Many of these daughters and sons are very active. They are decision makers and very much in charge of their own lives. They do their research on the internet before they go out to buy a new car, buy some golf clubs or a new TV. They are in the know. They compare pricing and warranty and then make an educated choice to fit their life style and pocket book. That’s the American way and should be applauded – when purchasing a product.

Has the time arrived where mom or dad now need your help and input to keep them safe and well cared for? Often times we realize that past family dynamics play a big role to make this highly emotional decision.

You go on the internet and do your research – and it’s a great place to start. You can learn all about the different kinds of care communities, home-health and in-home care.  You will find sites provided by local senior care professionals as well as sites covering many different states throughout our country.  All of them can be quite helpful – as a start.

Now,  which one would be ideal for mom and dad and which one can they afford?  Those are  normal general questions. The approach often taken is very similar to making vacation reservations. Do we look into a resort, a hotel or a bed and breakfast in a specific area and how much can we afford?   However, remember, we are not sending mom or dad on a vacation.  We are entrusting their life to someone else’s care.  It is about their quality of life, not our vacation.

You have no idea how often I have heard the following statement after people have looked at several large or small care communities: “What a place! I wouldn’t mind staying there for a couple of weeks myself!”

Let’s get real – placement for seniors is not a vacation spot – however much the retirement industry would like to portrait it this way. Instead – it’s hopefully each senior’s continuance of a quality life experience, whatever that means to each and every individual senior.

Now let me get of my soap box and get down and dirty.

First put yourself into your senior’s place. What would you like to see happen when your time comes? That’s one way to get a good perspective and it’s also a teaching tool for you how you want to address this issue down the road with your children. They might make that decision for you! No matter how old your kids are, your decisions and  how you deal with their grandma’s and grandpa’s care needs will give them the idea how you want to treated when your time comes – and it will.

All criteria regarding a senior’s care, needs to be considered carefully and then acted upon.

Many questions can only be answered by the individual senior, if that senior is totally alert. If that is not the case – then the family member emotionally closest to the senior – or a close friend of the senior will be able to answer question that are vital not only for daily care needs but also for the senior’s emotional needs.

A well thought-out and well-executed decision will bring continued live enrichment to the senior and peace of mind to the senior’s family and friends.   Getting help from a local professional senior consultant is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of your maturity and wisdom in recognizing the value of experienced professionals.

A couple pointers to keep in mind:

• Call or email your local Senior Advocate to find out what’s availably today for your parent’s care, what’s appropriate for his/her care needs and how much it will cost?

• Deal only with a local senior care consultant agency who is willing to meet with you in person, knows your area well, understands local issues, screens and monitors all adult care communities, i.e. Assisted Living, Residential Care, including Alzheimer’s and Adult Family Care Homes as well as In-home care companies and who does not have ownership in a care facility or in-home care company. That will guarantee you carefully researched, affordable – appropriate options for your individual senior’s care and emotional needs. You will not have lost a dime – this service is FREE to the seniors and the family. Yes, they are paid by the facility you choose, but they never forget they represent you and the senior and not the facility – much like a Realtor who represents you as a buyer.   They will not simply give you a list of every facility out there (even though almost all will pay a placement fee).  A professional agency will only give you those that they are comfortable putting their name behind and are truly appropriate for the care of your mom or dad.  You make the ultimate decision and they are only able to continue to operate and provide quality service (in other words get paid) if they have given you settings that meet your needs and criteria. Personally, I must be comfortable in entrusting a family member or personal friend to that facility or care setting before I will even think of giving it to someone else.   Putting my name behind a recommendation is never done lightly, but only after carefully looking  at the long-term history and care-giving personalities of a care-provider or facility.   Entrusting the seniors quality  of life to someone else is a serious matter to me.

Remember a bad placement costs the family as much, and often more, than an appropriate placement.  And also please note:  Every move is traumatic for a senior.  We’ve got to do it right the first time around.  I will address this issue in my next blog… with some real life examples.

Hospitals, Social Workers, Doctors & Health Care Providers have repeatedly entrusted seniors to the professional advice and help of  Care Service Options. This local placement agency carefully screens Adult Foster Care Homes, Assisted Living Facilities and Alzheimer’s & Memory Care Residences throughout the entire Portland metro area.

Appropriate senior care placement is never a matter of simply providing you a list of places.  Monika of Care Service Options stresses that it is imperative to the health and well-being that seniors be placed in settings that match appropriately not only their care needs, but their personality and history.  She often refers to herself and her employees as “Senior Matchmakers.”

Grandma Ivy loved her new home , XYZ Assisted Living, in the neighborhood area she had lived for many years.  Her studio apartment was large enough for her favorite belongings from the two-story home she had to sell two years ago.  Friends from the area would visit – she enjoyed the bus trips and many other community activities she was unable to enjoy while living alone.  Suddenly all this changed with a stroke, resulting in a 3 day hospital stay, and then off to a Rehabilitation center.  She was pleased to learn that she had made enough progress to return to her now favorite home – even though she now would need additional help because of the paralysis on her left side.  ”Aging in Place” in Oregon Assisted Living communites is a great concept, established back in the early 90′s.  Grandma Ivy was thankful for Oregon’s leadership.

Two weeks later, the financial reality of her return to XYZ Assisted Living hits home.  In addition to the $3,450 monthly cost, the facility added another $1,975.00 for the additional care now needed to help bring Ivy down to the dining room, the help with dressing, bathing, room checks every two hours and additional hygiene care.  The total bill was now $5,425 per month.  Okay, understandable because of all the extra staff labor costs, and yes, still financially manageable.

Along with the bill came though another bomb-shell, almost as tough to swallow as the sudden stroke.  Grandma had become a fall risk because of the stroke.  Her care plan now required that she have someone in her room throughout her waking day both as a companion and to help make sure she remained safe.  We were informed that some of the residents had very much enjoyed the companionship and services of the ABC In-Home Care company. (Later it was learned that ABC In-Home care also shared the same corporate ownership as XYZ Assisted Living).  Their service would enable Grandma to not only stay within her favorite home, but also enable her to be escorted to even more of the activities within the facility, so that she would not need to spend quite so much time alone in her room.  The cost for this outside service would only be $20.00 per hour.  To keep her really safe, the service would need to provide someone for her for at least 8 hours a day.  Total cost for this additional care – $160.00 per day or approximately $4800 per month.  Wow.  With a little negotiation with the facility on service charges that could be reduced because of over-lapping services provided by the in-home care company, now the total monthly bill would run  Grandma a whopping  $8,000 per month.  The difficult choice now had to be faced – let grandma spend down to a level where she would qualify for us taxpayers to help pay for her care (Medicaid), or help her funds last longer by moving her to a less costly Level 3 Adult Family Home.  (The average cost for her care in the AFC home would save Grandma more than $4,000 per month)

Oregon has been a leader in providing seniors appropriate options for care at reasonable rates. Many years ago our state led a nationwide example of establishing the Adult Foster Care, or Adult Family Home program as an alternative to costly nursing home care.  This was soon followed by the assisted living model providing even more options while providing socialization opportunities not often available in the smaller Adult Foster Care program.  The richness of these options also helped keep seniors off the taxpayer funded Medicaid system as well as saving the state tax-payer millions of dollars.

Is that rich system now being undermined by the more recent partnership and marketing ploy of the Assisted Living & In-Home care business associations.   Is this new partnership really worth the cost to seniors and their families financially?  Does this collaboration  undermine the Oregon spirit of fiscal responsibility, as well as the spirit of senior care Oregon’s leadership developed?

Your Thoughts?

How many seniors in our community live isolated lives depending upon neighbors, friends or family members to help out with many of the daily tasks we carry out each day?  Today’s economic conditions continue to take their toll on seniors.  They, or often their families, decide that there is no other alternative for them but to remain in their homes, regardless of the social and often physical advantages that a retirement or assisted living community may provide.  Families of seniors at the same time struggle with juggling daily work and life demands.  The need to check in on mom or dad is often problematic due to challenges of distance as well as time.

Since Care Service Options owners, Monika & Norm often spend time either screening and pre-viewing care faciliities, meeting with seniors and their famlies to assess care needs, or meeting with social workers to assist with after hospital care arrangments, it became obvious that they could assist both seniors and their families with the establishment of a comprehensive  senior visitor program.   The complaint often heard expressed is that home health costs are getting prohibitive and require a minimum of up to even 4 hours even if all that is needed is someone to check on mom or dad and make sure they have what they need for the rest of the week.  Are they eating well?  Is the heat on?  Are safety measures in place?  The senior also needs to be able depend on a famliar face each week without wondering who is checking on them now or knocking on their door.  Often the responsible family members have relocated at quite a distance from mom or dad making them dependent t on what mom or dad want to tell them, or sporadic reports from doctors, social workers, or near by friends.   Thanksgiving, Christmas or other family gatherings often result in real surprises for distant family members.  So .. the solution?

Each week, or as pre-arranged, Monika or Norm’s visit will provide trusted eyes and ears for the senior and their family.  Has there been a change in the senior’s general well-being since last week?  Do medical or personal care appointments need to made?  Is there enough food in the refrigerator and cupboards?  Perhaps arrangements for Meals on Wheels need to be made.   Utilizing their 30 plus years of working with seniors and their families, in ministerial and senior service roles, Norm and Monika then present a weekly written report to concerned family members and friends accompanied by copies of any and all grocery or home necessities receipts.  Immediate contact for both the senior and their family is also always available.  ”We are on emergency call for the senior and their family 7 days a week.” They stress that they are not an In-Home care company, care provider, or transport company.  Their Senior Visitor service  provides the necessary eyes, ears, and support that seniors and their families need.  At the heart of the program is their dedication to continuing to provide a low cost, yet quality senior advocacy program. Complete details on this program can be found on the Care Service Options website or by clicking here.

Put yourself in a senior’s place – most of their lives they have been addressed as Mrs/Miss/Mr. by strangers and even acquaintances.

• Over the last 10 to 15 years all of a sudden Mr. Smith (75) became simply Bill – without Mr. Smith’s permission.
• Miss Hanson now has become – just Mary. No one ever inquires if that’s ok with her.

There is something wrong with this picture!

The receptionist at the doctor’s office doesn’t know Mary Hanson (83) from Molly Gibbs, but feels entitled to drop her last name, the way you would for a kindergartner and just calls out M-a-r-y! How condescending is that?

Bill Smith stops at a car dealership to look for a new pick-up truck. He introduces himself to the sales person as Bill Smith and immediately the come-back is: “Bill we just got the deal for you”. Again, he doesn’t know Bill from Adam. That sales person just down-sized Bill. The prospective buyer has become just another “Bill”, who hopefully can be talked into that purchase.

Just picture it – in the doctor’s office: “Ms Hansen or Mary Hanson we are ready for you”. If the sales person had to call his customer Mr. Smith – the language used would make Bill Smith the “valued customer” not just another guy looking to buy a new car.

We all know the old saying: “familiarity breeds contempt”. We get what we ask for.

At first glance, caring for an older person today seems so much more manageable.  We have many options available – ranging from retirement and assisted living communities, to adult foster care homes and specialized facilities like skilled nursing and memory care.

Even so, many families today still want to care for an elderly loved one at home.  My heart goes out to the dedicated daughters, and other family members, who are caring for their mom or dad in their own home. They are truly the heroic and often forgotten ones. Many of those family members hold down jobs and still have children living at home. They are part of the “sandwich generation.”

In demographics they are know as “unpaid caregivers.”  Some 34-million Americans fall into that category. How do they do it and why?

In some families it’s a natural way – mom took care of grandma and now it’s my turn to do the same. Sometimes it’s a promise given to dad before he passed away. Others couldn’t deal with the guilt if they didn’t step up to the plate.

Each situation is unique. For some it’s a calling and healing.  However, I also hear from the daughters who are at wit’s end. They are torn between competing demands from husbands, children and parents.  Unfortunately, “trying to do the right thing” by caring for an elder at home can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, family tension and even emotional or physical abuse.

If you decide to take care of your mom or dad at home with your family’s help – first, sit down, get everyone’s input, plan ahead and rely on your intuition.  Most importantly, get an independent, professional opinion. I’ve been advising families for 23 years.  I can be of help to your family, at no cost or obligation.  Please call me or send me an email.  Care Service Options is here to help when you need us.

503-246-8604

Here’s a true story.  It started when John’s 79-year old dad, Melvin, tripped over his black lab “Patch” while fixing lunch.  It was only after neighbors noticed that his paper had not been picked up for two days, that they checked on Melvin and discovered him helpless on the kitchen floor, dehydrated and with a broken hip.

Melvin was tough, though, and after hospital care and extensive rehab, he was ready for discharge. However, Melvin could no longer live alone in his own home.

I received a plaintive call from John, telling me what had happened to Melvin, and asking me how could he find a good, safe place for his dad.  It’s the type of call I get frequently.

I quickly arranged a meeting with John and Melvin at the rehab center.  As we talked, I gained a picture of Melvin’s personality and what was important to him–and to his son, John, as well.

I learned Melvin loved fishing and the outdoors, and that he was a retired truck driver with a good pension, and therefore no money worries.   Knowing Melvin’s personal situation and life-style, I could better guide John and his dad.  I advised them to talk to some of the residents and look at the interior of each place for something not too frilly, but down to earth like Melvin.

As a result, they found a care facility where other residents also enjoyed the outdoors.  And the facility regularly took residents on fishing trips to a well-stocked pond, “icing on the cake,” as Melvin put it.

While nearly every family worries about locating a safe place for an elderly parent, I have found over the years that every family’s needs and circumstances are unique. There is no fee for my services.  Please call me for a free brochure.

This is not an unusual circumstance. If this were your mom, what would you do?  How would you navigate the bewildering world of nursing homes, assisted living, foster care and other specialized facilities?

“At least 60 percent of the calls I receive are for situations just like this,” says Monika Gartner, President, Care Service Options, Inc., a senior placement company serving the Portland Tri-County area.  “The hospital is under pressure to discharge an elderly patient.  Family members are desperately trying to find a suitable facility.  But they aren’t sure how to evaluate or even determine what type of facility would best meet their mom or dad’s needs.”

Since founding her company in 1987, Monika has become intimately familiar with the burgeoning number and types of senior facilities in the metro area.  Most importantly, she has earned a reputation as a skilled advocate for seniors and their families.

“On a daily basis, I guide families and their elderly parents through what I call the senior care maze.” Monika explains.  “I understand the anxiety and stress they feel, so I focus them first on what would meet the medical and personal needs of their parent and next we discuss financial issues and the concerns and preferences of the family.  Then the family has the framework, and the confidence, to make an informed decision on what is best for mom or dad, and the family, as well.”

There is no fee to the family or senior for Monika’s services.  It’s wise to plan ahead, so contact Care Service Options, 503-246-8604, for a brochure. 

There is no cost or obligation.  Plan ahead for your peace of mind.